To whom ever I've ever hurt or blessed

To Whom ever can read this is my statement. I struggle every day with this conflict inside of me. The light and dark parts of me. The darkness wants to come out so badly as it once did, a sick and twisted enjoyment. But the light seems to prevail on most occasions. I've been happy but one, once that I can remember it lasted only briefly but I strive to get it back every day, some day. When walking in the street there are two shadows, one that precedes and one that succeeds. And i always try to be the one in front but it is always just out of reach. The one that follows is always there begging me back, just waiting for me to lie down and it to become one with me again. The brief moment where I stand beneath the light is where the shadows align and make me. This battle rages on to keep standing but ever once in a while I sit down, and become closer to what I try to run from. I know I am capable of great evil and destruction and make this my written apology to all. But to all whom I've met, it is you who keep me standing. Even if you are no longer in my life, i hope one day things can be fixed but the memory of you still keeps me going. And to all I may ever encounter I am sorry if I ever hurt you, it is not the me I try to be. No matter how much i run I will never never reach that next shadow so I will live my life in neutral grounds attempting to be the best person I can and patching up what I may have broken. I just want you to know that the war that rages, wages, in me is something most will not feel the extent of. I must keep my faith in God and my friends and hope that the street light does not go out or I will have become consumed in my shadow and my faith will be lost. If there is one thing I could wish for it would be to have my preceding shadow be not so out of reach. To all my friends I need you more than you can ever realize, and I love you more than I will ever tell you. This is my statement.

Tyler Jensen

Alone on Valentines day

Now I don't mind being single. At all. Though i do miss having someone there to talk to, or call. Someone to be intimate with ya know? Any ways i love the freedom of being single though as well. You feel like you can socialize better, or at least i do. But there is one thing that kinda got me down this hallmark holiday. It was the reminder of what it felt like to be in love. Not me personally but there were several girls, that I've been talking to about relationships and advice and what not for a little while now. But I'm also friends with the guys that are interested in them and visa versa. What got me down more or less was everyone talking about what they were doing, what they hoped would happen, what they should do, and everything like that. It just reminded me of everything i once felt. Its hard but i press on. I just hate getting caught in this middle where i wanna be with some one but i also wanna be single.

I just feel a little left out is all.

Dear Miss

I just wanted to ask if I left something very important somewhere, you see it means a great deal to me and I'm not quite sure what to do without it. I cannot seem to find it and I feel very empty without it. It's a mysterious thing though, it seems to excape you when you mean not to lose it, and you only seem to realize it's gone when you really want it back. The way I would describe it is an object of great density and seems to release gravity at the same time when you're near it. It is transparent but you know exactly when you see it and where it is. But the most common attribute about it though, is once you have it, it never leaves you, you always seemed controlled by it, emotionally. It is an object I take for granted all to often but would give anything to have it.
I am terribly sorry to bother you about this, I just really want to find it.
Sincerely with love
Me

Happyness in life

Well I figured since I'm on a red eye fligh to Michigan, and I haven't blogged in a while I might as well. Agh where doi start off? I have so much running through my mind, so much I've discovered, so much I've been reminded of this summer. 
Well one of the most fun things I've done this summer was go to the latest Offspring concer. It was titled Shit Is Fucked Up tour. And it was a great show much recomended. But it got me  thinking there are a lot of things pretty messed up with this country and world for that part. I've been constanty reminded of this with material such as: V for Vendetta, Charles Manson, Dark Knight, Working Class Hero, etc. Constant reminders that I shouldn't be happy and content with who or what I am. 
I am going to be embarking on a more liberal journey of my life and new idea and trends are going to be pressed onto me. And don't get me wrong I'm all for peace and love but I have to laught at the idea of pacifistism. To be a pacifist is undoubtly going to be taken over by something stronger and more intelligent. Humanity is incapeable of living peacefully. But this isn't something to be sad over, it's just the way it is. 
And there is another piece of bullshit the liberal America feeds us. Just the way it is or just how I am. It doesn't possiblely make any sence. it basically tells us that there is nothing we can do about it and to let it go which is the exact reason why everything is so messed up. We ground into our brains that we are just one person incapeable of doing anything. Which is why were sad because feel small and useless. 
I've observes through the media and most of my friends that we need things to make us happy. We need that puzzle piece family and that new phone  or car. Well I recently came across a quote that says "Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. Being happy means you've decided to se beyond the imperfections." And it reminded me that ya, there are some pretty messed up thing around, and ya they need some changeing but I can be happy despite all this. 
I love life And I'm ready for it's adventure. I won't let anything hold me back; it's all a matter of perspective and which side you decide to see it from. Life isn't simple and it never will be but happyness is.

A Series of Random, but Predetermined Events

So today I was thinking about life and the paths you must take. Recently a philosophy was brought to name. When I thought about this philosophy I realized that my thoughts were primarily centered around this thought process. It's called determinism and determinism is the philosophical proposition that every event, including human cognition and behavior, decision and action, is causally determined by an unbroken chain of prior occurrences. Basically I understand it as a few other theories that are tied into it.

The first concept it revolves around is essentially predestination. This is destiny and fate all tied into; destiny being where you end up, and fate being how you got there. I believe full heartily about this. Sure one reason may be my Christian belief system, but that’s not the reason as to why. The reason I believe in predestination is because nothing would be as it is today if such a thing as "chance" existed. Chance or coincidence leaves a sour taste on my tongue. It makes me feel as if there is no purpose to live and that all this is luck, or accidental. Again not because I believe in God but because I believe everything has a purpose in its existence, it’s built into us. It makes us feel compassion and hate. If we didn't have a sense of purpose built into us then we wouldn't feel compelled to become someone or something, and make a difference. It’s just the way we are.

It is not by chance that you are reading this, nor that you have stuck around to read this much either. So it means that you are curious as to my view point on the topic and after you finish this you will dwell on my concepts of though either deeming them ridiculous and shoving them off, or affirming them developing you own though about it. Either way I have made a difference in your life at this moment and whether it affects you now or later is what leads to my next point.

Everything is connected in some way by something either existent or non-existent. Chaos theory is built on this concept. Think of life as a dust bunny or hair ball. Each hair or particle has a length, some long and some short. This represents life. Now as your looking at the hair ball you can see that everything is connected; not directly of course but in some way or it wouldn't be a ball. It would fall apart. Now you, yourself, are one strand of hair. You can see that you bend in different ways, and that other hairs are touching you in different places, some running intertwined for an amount of time. This is how your life is. It has a starting and ending point, and different people come and go. As one person comes in your life it may cause a curve changing you and the direction you go. You may also notice that other people’s lives (hair) end on yours indicating that you were present at this time or shortly their after. In life this freaks people out. You may not know them but that is how you are connected, and most likely they stir a though process that causes you to think putting another curve or change in your life. It’s not an exotic concept it’s a realistic one and if you think about, you will agree.

This is my justification, how I have come to believe in determinism. And some of you may struggle with the thought that you are not in control that everything has been pre-laid out. Right? Well here is a contradicting thought process that I believe ties in as well. You see you really do have control, but it’s a complicated time-space continuum thing. By doing everything you have done, making every decision you have made is the reason as to why you are thee. It has placed the rocks underneath you feet and pulled the pickles off your sandwich, but without it you would be nothing; in simpler terms you can regret anything unless, key term, you are unhappy about everything that has happened after that point you regret. Without that "regret" happening you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't have the relationships with your friends, everything would be completely different.

And this my friends is called chaos theory. This is the theory that everything makes no sense until you see the end. At which point you will see that everything is connected, everything does relate, and everything had a purpose in your life, whether it affected yours specifically or someone else’s. You see its chaos theory that any of this would make sense. How can life be predetermined if we have free thought and free choice? How does me making a decision as minor as spitting my gum on the ground or placing a grammar error in a sentence change the course of someone else’s life? It’s completely mind boggling, and randomly secure. A series of random, but predetermined events has brought us here today, made you read this blog, and should make you comment. :) But in this mess of symbols and thought it can all be simplified to one word.

Music as a Motive

Its quite fascinating how music influences the mind. Recently i, for a change, have not been stuck in one type of music groove for a long period of time. I am usually the person who will listen to an artist or genre until i kill it. But recently I've been switching around quite a bit. I've been into, lately, techno, ska/reggae, and powerful classics deriving from the piano.

I really enjoy the techno when i'm either driving or with the right group of people. Its nerdy i know but its a fun music that just gets you all energetic. Granted some of the songs are cheesy but hey if they have a good beat why not.
Ska/reggae is also another one i like to listen to with friends, driving, or at home doing chores. This is music thats fun to dance to and also get me hyped up. I also enjoy the bluntness of most of the songs. They tell a story about something in life or an emotion we feel. It puts a brighter outlook on the dim.

Finally, the newest addition is this powerful classics via the piano addiction. Music similar to Debussy, and Chopin, and Beethoven. Just powerful emotional classics that move and sway the brain. Contracting thoughts only from deep within the cortex of your brain. It make me feel classy and inelegance with out the lack of either. One that comes to mind is Michael Montes who composed the short pieces called journey for a cannon commercial. Very powerful just wish it was a bit longer.

I love music, the emotions it makes you feel and how it controls you on the most sub conscience level. It can be an evil or a good all depending on the person and what their listen to. So why not listen to happy music, and broaden you spectrum of listening. Who knows you may find something new you like.

Not expecting the unexpected

Recienly I have become friends with a person i wouldn't have though of being friends with. It wasn't that I hated him it was just that were were always in competition. Constantly fighting and agueing of the most senceless crap. I also didn't trust him because I saw him as the person he portayed himself as and not ther person he way. Buy anyway i never really though about it. 

In the last 3 weeks though he has become one of my best friends ever, after we realized how much we had in common and how our colors really were. It goes to show that just when u think nothing will change life throws a curve ball.